The 384-page book combines counseling experience and pastoral perspectives to examine communication, conflict management, forgiveness and everyday relationship habits.
NEW YORK CITY, NY, October 28, 2026 — Counselor Dr. Don Gilbert and pastor Jason K. Shanks present a structured approach to marriage communication and relationship habits in their co-authored book, The UP’s of Marriage: Nine Practices That Help Couples Actually Change. Published in May 2026, the book examines nine repeatable practices addressing recurring disagreements, emotional awareness and the challenges of maintaining connection in marriage.
Drawing on their respective backgrounds in mental health counseling and pastoral ministry, Gilbert and Shanks examine how couples respond to relationship difficulties and how everyday interactions shape their communication patterns.
The book combines biblical principles with discussions of interpersonal behavior, offering a framework for readers interested in examining communication, responsibility and conflict management within marriage.
Nine Practices for Examining Relationship Patterns
The book organizes its material around nine practices: Look UP, Listen UP, Speak UP, Clear UP, Loosen UP, Grow UP, Free UP, Lift UP and a concluding Look UP.
Each practice addresses an aspect of interpersonal relationships, including alignment, listening, communication, clarity, personal responsibility and forgiveness.
A central theme is the distinction between effort and alignment. The authors discuss how couples may continue investing in their relationships while experiencing recurring disagreements or communication difficulties.
Their framework encourages readers to consider not only the effort involved in maintaining a relationship but also the expectations, responses and communication habits influencing everyday interactions.
Communication and Conflict Management
Communication receives particular attention throughout the book. Gilbert and Shanks examine how defensive responses, unresolved disagreements and misunderstandings can influence interactions between partners.
The authors discuss the role of pausing during emotionally charged conversations, listening before responding and recognizing communication patterns that contribute to repeated disagreements.
Rather than presenting relationship difficulties as problems with a single solution, the book considers how personal behavior and communication habits may affect the way couples approach conflict.
These concepts reflect the authors’ relationship guidance and are not presented as guaranteed outcomes or substitutes for professional counseling.
Forgiveness, Encouragement and Everyday Responsibilities
Beyond communication, the book examines forgiveness, encouragement and personal development as aspects of married life.
Gilbert and Shanks discuss the distinction between resolving individual disagreements and developing ongoing relationship habits. Their approach emphasizes repeated actions and awareness of familiar patterns rather than relying on isolated conversations.
The discussion also considers common pressures associated with work responsibilities, financial obligations, family commitments and changing expectations.
These everyday circumstances provide context for the book’s examination of how couples navigate disagreements and maintain communication.
Combining Counseling and Pastoral Experience
Dr. Don Gilbert is a licensed mental health counselor and founder and president of New Life Counseling & Coaching in Iowa. He holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and Religious Studies from Oxford Graduate School and a master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling from Drake University.
Jason K. Shanks has served in pastoral ministry for more than 26 years and is the lead pastor of The Radiant Collective in the Des Moines area.
The authors draw on their professional experiences to examine marriage from counseling-informed and Christian perspectives. Their book is intended for readers interested in relationship education and faith-based discussions of marriage.
Publication Information
The UP’s of Marriage: Nine Practices That Help Couples Actually Change was independently published in May 2026.
Book details
Authors: Dr. Don Gilbert, Ph.D., and Jason K. Shanks
Publication: May 2026
Publisher: Independently published
Format: Paperback
Length: 384 pages
ISBN-13: 9798198298033
Category: Marriage and Christian relationship guidance
Further publication information is available through the authors’ official book webpage and the Amazon book listing.
About the Authors
Dr. Don Gilbert is a counselor, speaker and leadership coach whose professional work includes relationship counseling, communication and personal development. Jason K. Shanks is a pastor and author whose work addresses faith, relationships and leadership.
Their co-authored book examines nine relationship practices informed by their counseling and pastoral experience.
Media Contact Information
Dr. Don Gilbert
BrightKey PR
Email: media@brightkeypr.com
Phone: +1 646-640-0262
Disclaimer: The book provides general relationship education and faith-based guidance. Its content does not replace individualized mental health care, marriage counseling or other professional services.
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